Monday Morning Musings:
“Something nameless
Hums us into sleep,
Withdraws, and leaves us in
A place that seems
Always vaguely familiar.”–Mark Strand, “Dreams”
“All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.”
My daughter and I talk–
sleep paralysis
she says,
waking to plunge into the terror again
not being able to move, or scream
in the terror of the dream.
And I think of the young people caught in a school
and those elsewhere—the whirlpool,
the vortex of contradictions,
fight or flight,
rehearsing what to do if caught,
a nightmare over and over again
until some finally scream, “Enough! Be seen!”
we need to flee the terror of this dream.
I was child,
practicing the duck and cover drills
ridiculous, tilting at windmills,
but I remember being terrified,
petrified that my parents would not come for me
before whatever we had to flee–
a world ending with both bangs and whimpers—
no tears,
just fear,
and no way to wake
from the terror of the dream.
And so, how can anyone say these young people are tools,
they have seen the violence in their schools,
they have been forced to practice,
to dance with fear,
to hold it near,
and should their dreams die
before they’ve had a chance to fly?
We see a movie
about grief and guilt
from wars, built
stronger, lasting, flowing through generations,
the absurdity of life–
the solitary camel ambling to the checkpoint gate–
the soldier who dances the foxtrot with his gun
fun arising from boredom with surrealism fused-fate
that keeps us dancing and returning to the same spot—
caught–
as if in a dream.
And though the movie is set in Israel
where “the fallen” fall so often
that those who bring the news are prepared
to deal with the grieving and the scared–
they come with drugs and instructions,
attuned to this production,
the result of the war machine,
the resulting grief and tears it brings–
still what happens there,
could happen anywhere
where there is war
and where dreams are launched
with guns and bombs
prayed over with psalms,
and where they fall from the sky
to die.
We walk and talk
the day is still cool,
but the seasons are cycling
through the year—
and spring is near.
We see a wedding, groom and bride
attendants by their sides.
Though the fear is in abeyance here
the nightmare lasts,
we must lift our voices to put it past.
to see the light,
to see the sun,
the hopeful dreams, caught and spun,
Can we celebrate our fate,
move towards love, not to hate,
unparalyzed, with dreams awake,
wear hope like a perfume?
We arrive home–
to find some daffodils have bloomed.
We saw the Israeli movie Foxtrot. Trailer here.
Yesterday and today: Merril's historical musings 
counterpoised, caught between despair and hope, faith & doubt … thanks Merril, very penetrating, beautifully balanced –
Thank you so much, Susan, for your lovely, thoughtful comment!
You’ve done it again, Merril. Any thoughts of putting a collection together?
Thank you, Janet! I do want to put out a collection of poetry. I have a few ideas. . .we will see.
Merril, your stirring and intricate expression of our reality breaks all the barriers and we have a full view of what our world has become. You’re an amazing writer.
Awwww–thank you SO much, Holly, for your very kind words!
All true Merril!
🙂
Beautiful meditation though the subject is haunting and painful. The violence today reactivates my “PTSD” over the Duck and Cover. I lived over a bomb shelter, so it was “with me” for 3 years. Coincidentally I just submitted a story, “Duck and Cower, to a magazine. We’ll see. It might be too much of a leap from guns to bomb shelters for editors. And, yes, that’s not a typo. It’s cower.
Thank you very much, Luanne! I think I remember you mentioning the bomb shelter. It seems it was time of great fear and anxiety, even while many people were prospering with the boost war growth. So I guess I wasn’t the only who was affected. (It’s interesting to go back and watch old Twilight Zone episodes, which play on this anxiety.) I love “Duck and Cower.” I don’t think it’s too great a leap from guns to bombs–obviously. 🙂 I hope they take the story! And then, I want to read it!
Thanks, Merril. I feel that guns and bombs are not a leap either, but everyone seems to be looking for gun stories right now. Maybe younger people don’t understand the fear and anxiety that duck and cover caused because their world right now is so shadowed by gun violence.
True–unless they live somewhere like Syria.
Right.
Keep those hopeful dreams.
Thanks, Ken. I will try.
“Can we celebrate our fate,
move towards love, not to hate,,
unparalyzed, with dreams awake,
wear hope like a perfume?
We arrive home–
to find some daffodils have bloomed.”
Beautiful lines extolling peace
Thank you very much!
I felt your musings and felt shakened to the core. I remember dreams I was immobilized. Stuck hiding in a coat closet, it smelled, through my dreams, of moth balls.
It is really happening, these are not news “stories” they are news “realities.” It is closer to home than Vietnam. It is at our schools; not air bases nor aircraft carriers in the ocean. Death is just beyond the fence around our buildings we send our children, grandchildren into five days a week.
I tried to feel hope, liked the pin especially. Thank you!
Thank you very much, Robin.
The pin is from Penzy’s Spices. I also have a pin from them that I got after the Women’s March. Check out their Web site, if you’re interested and get on their e-mail list. https://www.penzeys.com/
I have at the end of each week a multitude of emails (19,000 average. . .) If someone wants to email me, I have them call me immediately before sending it. Fortunately, I can send text messages to my friends and family emails, they can send me texts or attach things to texts (docs or pics).
Sadly, I won’t be able to do this connection with penzeys . com Thank you anyway!
When I had to have my pre-approved boarding pass to skip through the airport checkout, the first set Felicia printed up, the second set my college friend, Patrice, printed at her home. That meant shoes could be on, nothing but bag x-ray and 2 minutes waiting! Free, to do ahead but this is how Debby the writer helped me. (D.G. Kaye)
Whatever works for you, Robin! 🙂
What a deep and emotional walk. Whew … I’m worn out …and that movie looks intense.
The movie was intense, Frank, but it was good. 🙂
Intense musings on the modern dream – how to hold onto reality
Thank you, Derrick.
It’s the memories of the duck and cover drills that make me wonder why some of the older folks who are criticizing the kids don’t have more sympathy/empathy for the generation that has had to endure lock down drills. Perhaps they’ve forgotten what it’s like to hide under a desk, terrified that The Bomb might be dropped any time (and knowing full well that ducking under a desk and covering your head isn’t going to save you).
I love the pin and your musings. Intense, but with hope. 🙂
Thank you very much, Robin. I suppose in the thoughts of some, guns and displays of force will make the kids feel safer. Who knows? The pin is from Penszy’s. 🙂