Albert Zimmermann, Bodensee (Lake Constance), Public Domain, Wikipedia
“There midnight’s all a glimmer, and noon a purple glow,
And evening full of the linnet’s wings.”
–W.B. Yeats, “The Lake Isle of Innisfree”
At the glimmering lake the birds still sing,
though you’ve been gone for many a year,
now, I watch as linnets take wing.
Once I longed to wear your ring–
before things changed, I sought you here,
at the glimmering lake the birds still sing,
You promised sun, moon, and everything,
before bad times came and settled near,
then I watched as linnets took wing.
I realize now, I was just a fling–
that thought is now as clear
as the glimmering lake where birds still sing
where at my side, our baby’d cling
without a father. She brought me cheer–
as I watched the linnets take wing
I dreamt I was a queen and you my king,
before you sailed far from my pier
at the glimmering lake, the birds still sing,
And I—I watch the linnets take wing.
For the next month, we’re writing villanelles at dVerse, under Sarah’s capable direction. I’ve only written a couple of these, so I’m tiptoeing into this challenge by revising one I wrote for Sarah’s very first dVerse prompt! See how things come full circle in poetry land? Here’s the link to the original version. It was written during last year’s NaPoWriMo, and this year’s is coming up.
Yesterday and today: Merril's historical musings 
Your poetry never ceases to draw a sigh and the highest praise from me Merril. It’s just wonderful.
Holly–thank you so much! I truly appreciate your very kind words.
I couldn’t be more sincere, you are an amazing writer and poet.
You’ve taken this form and turned it into a ballad. Lovely!
Thank you very much, Jane!
(I think the Oracle might have been whispering a bit.)
Surprise surprise 🙂
🙂
I also thought it was beautifully baladic Merril – that sense of constancy of the linnet never leaving, though he who did left behind shattered dreams-
Thank you very much, Susan.
Wow, I can’t believe it’s nearly a year since my first dVerse prompt! I still love this. I think I prefer this version – that slight change in the “linnet” line makes a surprising difference, and the slight change in the final line is beautiful.
Thanks, Sarah. I like this version better, too. I got rid of the too-long lines in the first version, and I’ve more about poetry and poetry writing since then. 🙂 Thank you for both prompts!
This is so poignant Merril. Beautiful story telling.
Thank you so much!
Your poetry is so beautiful. The story fits so well with the image at the beginning, too.
Thank you very much, Robin.
I found the image after. The first version used an image that I wasn’t sure if I could use again.
A lovely villanelle, circling back to watching as linnets take wing. Though there is sadness of being left behind, there is joy with the baby and hearing the birds sing.
I also used Sarah’s prompt last year for my revised villanelle.
Thank you, Grace.
That’s funny that we both used Sarah’s prompt from last year.
So beautiful, Merril. I love the prompt, too. Have a great weekend!
Thank you so much, Jill!
The Yeats wasn’t the prompt (I assume that’s what you meant), but I like it, too.
Sorry…I meant picture, not prompt. It’s been a long week! I’m soooo happy it’s Friday. 🙂
Hahaha. Hope the weekend restores you. 🙂
very powerful; i could imagine this out to music
Thank you very much!
This has many special elements which create suspense and in the end, a satisfying completion. I think your lovely poem has graceful rhythm and repetition, Merril!
Thank you very much, Robin!
A sad tale told boldly; You rocked the prompt. Neat too to revisit dVerse from a year ago. I’ve been crawling their pub for 8 years now–OMG.
Thank you very much, Glenn!
OMG! 🙂
Stirs up so much sadness with beauty. The linnets take wing…such a perfect refrain. Brought a tear or two.
Oh my–thank you so much!
The repetition enhances the poignancy
Thank you, Derrick.
I feel as Holly does. You never cease to draw a sigh out of me.
Another beautiful form of poetry. Villanelle. It sounds like a dance, doesn’t it?
Thank you very much, Dale.
(If you go to the dVerse page, Sarah has shared some lovely villanelles–including one by Leonard Cohen.) Villanelle does sound like a dance. It’s also the name of the killer on Killing Eve (something else for you to watch, if you haven’t). 😉
I just might have to go see…
And, much ad I love Sandra Oh, that show hasn’t called to me… maybe I’ll have to give it a go 😊
It’s really good, and Sandra Oh is so good in it.
Guess I’ll give it a go, then. 😉
🙂
Someone (or two or more) said your poem is like a ballad. Yes, I can hear it being sung in a low, soft voice.
Thank you so much! 🙂
I love how you were able to tweak the repeating lines to make them meaningful to the story. I need to study this to see how you did it. Beautiful.
Thank you so much–what a lovely comment! 🙂
You are welcome. Very moving.
a story in a villanelle, beautifully done!
Thank you very much!
Good one, nicely revised.
Thank you!
I love this… a story told, with so little and so much. I can see the scene which gives it almost a mythic sense.
Thank you so much, Björn!
graceful, elegant, emotive, vivid – lovely ~
Thank you very much!
A beautiful and poignant villanelle Merril, I love the gracious bow to the Yeats poem in your lines too :o)
Thank you so much!
It’s good to see so many of us revising poems and that you have let yours breathe for a year before working on it again, Merril. I love how you’ve taken those lines from Yeats and made them so poignantly your own; they’ve taken me to that glimmering lake to watch the linnets take wing with you.The image is a perfect fit!
Thank you very much, Kim!
Masterly!
Thank you so much!