Transcendent

Posted on March 20, 2023 by merrildsmith

Monday Morning Musings:

“If you could tag each of the atoms in your body and follow them backward in time, through the air that you breathed during your life, through the food that you ate, back through the geological history of the Earth, through the ancient seas and soil, back to the formation of the Earth out of the solar nebular cloud, and then out into interstellar space, you could trace each of your atoms, those exact atoms, to particular massive stars in the past of our galaxy. At the end of their lifetimes, those stars exploded and spewed out their newly forged atoms into space, later to condense into planets and oceans and plants and your body at this moment.”
–from Alan Lightman, The Transcendent Brain, quoted in The Marginalian

Transcendent

Perhaps I make tenuous connections,
hear the light-sound waves
of an acoustic moon, a push-pull
of tide creation and slowing rotation.

Nothing is constant, one day Earth and Moon
will part, lovers who have drifted too beyond salvation,
but for now, we revolve and spin, see only her bright face,
never her dark side,

and perhaps that is why she sings,
adding her voice to the universe. One voice in an infinite,
ever-changing choir of nebulous nebulae and exploding stars
that have formed us, and to which we return—

but this is a point, maybe the point
in this dashing, flawed, incredible world
where our own star rises and sets, and robins trill–
where I feel both wonder and tranquility
in spring’s transcendent glow, reflected
a thousand times, light finding a way
through space and generations, sky to river and back again.

I used some of Kerfe’s Random Words for my poem.

Today is the first day of spring. Winter has been trying to hang on the last few days with cold winds, despite the sunshine. The temperature was only 29 F when I woke up this morning, but we will warm up to the 50s and have some days of 60+ this week. The days I walked outside, I saw incredible light. Meanwhile the former president is trying to stir up his supporters (and collect money for his legal bills) and the GOP continues to pass or try to pass laws that will harm women and promote ignorance. Thank goodness for daffodils.

Last Tuesday was Pi Day. I don’t bake pies very often, but this apple crumb pie was delicious.

We had sci-fi Saturday with our homemade pizza (the heart-shaped one just came out that way), our Star Trek Enterprise pizza cutter, and an episode of the new Picard and old Next Generation. And more lentil soup as the cold winds howled.

Reverie

Posted on January 30, 2023 by merrildsmith

Monday Morning Musings:

Reverie

There are moments
when time seems to curve,
or is it the light of stars
traveling beyond death?

We watch the rippling reflections
for illumination—to understand the fuzzy in-between

of dream and waking,
the puzzle of

why bees sleep,
and why flowers exist—and the splendid wonder
that they do—

why we question, but never learn,
why we forget to question,
why we forget

how arguments and competition
turn to wars.

Why we think it’s either science or art–
the truth of beauty,
all ye need to know
despite everything—

is ephemeral and lasting,
like spots on a tablecloth, a reminder of what was,
a sign of what may come, the possibility of peace or dystopia

a curve in time, an arc like a rainbow
shimmering in the distance,

hope
with wings outstretched,
gliding,
returning home, a loop in space,
a curve in time.

I used some of Jane’s Random Words.

We caught up on some movies this past week. Pre-pandemic, we would have seen them all in the theater months ago, but we ended up streaming them, which I know is not the same as a big-screen experience.

I wanted to watch Argentina, 1985, but I couldn’t get the subtitles to work properly, and I do not enjoy watching dubbed movies. I’ve never had this problem before.

The Banshees of Inisherin
Tár
Armageddon Time

I liked all of them very much, and they are all excellent movies, but none of them were for me, oh my god, wow! {No Cold War, Dale.] Cate Blanchett is amazing, however, in Tár, which I liked much more after thinking about it. I read that the role was written for her. I think this year I may go for the favorite, “Everything, Everywhere All at Once.” I know that seems weird for me, but it really was a Merril movie.

I read Properties of Thirst by Marianne Wiggins. I loved this book. I found it while looking over the new books at the library. I haven’t read anything else by this author who has won several prizes and was a Pulitzer Prize nominee. She suffered a massive stroke while writing this book, but she recovered enough so that her daughter could help her finish the manuscript. I did have to read several pages to get into it. It is written from different characters’ perspectives with long sections of their thoughts and memories. The book is divided into sections, with each labeled as a different “property of thirst.”

Cold, rainy day comfort food

Home-made pizza for a movie night

But still, the Light

Posted on January 16, 2023 by merrildsmith

Monday Morning Musings:

But still, the Light

“But I know, somehow, that only when it is dark enough can you see the stars.”
–from Martin Luther King, Jr., Final Speech: “I’ve been to the mountaintop”

In bleak January,
the unclothed trees shiver,
and the sun has cast herself
into the ice,
but still, she rises.

The fields are rimed with frost,
and all paths seem slippery,
a time for caution, not over-confidence,
yet, through shadows,
some rise–

Shadow across painted road crossing lines

there’s a crossroad, a moment
when the tipping point comes
and a heart so engraved by
the acid of hate implodes–
or heals–scared with gold,

kintsugi hearts, with their own beauty
like winter landscapes—
and you watch as the geese soar up
past the morning moon, working together
to find the blue

One goose flying over a fence by the river

that you saw in dreams,
that you see now,
and you think of ancient dead stars,
ghost-broadcasting faint photons,
not infinite, but as close as we can imagine,

the luminous beacons of time,
guiding us, appearing like heroes
that glow with incandescent fire,
not eternal, but with voices that continue
to transmit, like pulsars, blinking, spinning.

tilting toward tomorrow.

Geese and gulls, low tide at Delaware River

I used some of Jane’s Random Words for the poem. And yes, Jane, more stars. They slipped in while I was writing, and I couldn’t ignore their twinkling, or Dr. King.

Today is Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. I’m not a big fan of holidays such as this where people pay lip-service to someone while ignoring what he or she stood for the rest of the year. (Example, anyone lauding MLK who also seeks to suppress voting access.) However, I was moved by Heather Cox Richardson’s letter today on heroes.

Between the weather and work, I didn’t go anywhere this week, except to get a shingles vaccine. My husband and I both went. We know how to have an exciting date.😏 I got a few walks in though.

It was a good week for soup and bread.

We finished Season 2 of the wonderful spy series Slow Horses on Apple TV. Imagine if George Smiley and his circle were mostly inept, but sometimes stumbled into something that they solved. Then we watched Black Bird, also good but disturbing, as it involves a serial killer. The disturbing part comes with the serial killer’s recounting things that viewers do not see, but can imagine. Excellent performances.

On Saturday night we watched Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery (Netflix), which was thoroughly enjoyable. I think this one is better than the first. Since it seemed like “a popcorn movie,” I made some! And we ate it with a finger-food dinner.

Slumbering Sun Rises Again

Posted on January 31, 2022 by merrildsmith

MONDAY MORNING MUSINGS:

“The wild swan’s death-hymn took the soul
Of that waste place with joy
Hidden in sorrow”
–Alfred Tennyson, “The Dying Swan” (1830)

The sun in slumber,
a bird, head tucked beneath wings,
waiting for the storm to pass
trees lashed by sharp-tongued wind
who screams with frozen breath, “I’m here.”

Now marmalade sky–
Seemingly gone, light returns
again and again, dazzling
us with beauty and hope
a better tomorrow comes.

Do we wait for if?
Do we sail the ship of fools,
or look for wiser pilots?
Each dawn a new page turned,
some dog-eared, marked for remembrance

in sorrow or joy,
we’re prisoners of finite
who hold the infinite, too—
memories of the past
and dreams of the future

we inhale stardust
as star-bird melodies call
the reminder of always
we are connected too–
sky, sea, earth, forever embraced.

Not much to say this week. It snowed, and it’s cold. Joy and sorrow.People are still spewing crazy theories and trying to destroy our democracy and the world, but the sun comes up. There’s poetry. There’s so much that I love.

If you’re a poet, and on Twitter, I’m hosting @TopTweetTuesday tomorrow for Black Bough Poetry. Post a short, imagist poem, if you’d like. See @TopTweetTuesday for more details.

Merril’s Movie Club:
We watched two movies this week. We both really liked Swan Song (2021). I don’t know if you can view it without Apple TV+, but if you can, I highly recommend it (unless you only like action movies). 😊 Starring Marhershala Ali (he was in Moonlight) as a man who is terminally ill, and who must make a decision about whether to replace himself with a clone or not. It is beautifully done.
We also watched Last Night in Soho (Amazon Prime rental). I also really enjoyed it—though I didn’t expect it to turn as dark as it did. It’s very clever and beautifully and creatively filmed. It’s been described as “trippy.” The story involves a young woman who goes to London to follow her dream to be a fashion designer. She’s obsessed by the 1960s, and (sort of) time-travels back there. Lots of ‘60s music and references. I think this may have been the last movie Diana Rigg was in.

We’re also watching The Woman in the House Across the Street from the Girl in the Window on Netflix. It’s a spoof of that genre, but there’s also a mystery. It’s a fun show with short, bingeable episodes and Kristen Bell. Sometimes that’s all you want, right?

Random Food and Cat Photos

Heroes and Lies

Posted on January 24, 2022 by merrildsmith

Monday Morning Musings:

Without moving, we travel far
time and space collapse
as we traipse—everywhere—
from chair and couch

and as the virus rages,
we turn the pages,
hungering for new plots and changes,
a denouement, and all comes clear
order restored, till the world veers

again, and we can only go forward
into what remains to be seen.
other plagues brought serfdom down
and gathered nations in a league—

attempts made, bells rung,
but mostly heroes go unsung
and lies coming tripping off a tongue
gaining currency as far-flung they’re spread
bad news and dread

sell more stories, but check the optics
and we’ll see. Perhaps your story holds a key,
turn the lock, and make our ratings soar
till wiped away by war.

But the lies circle round, and some believe
the tales the sad sacks or the haters weave–
they choose to believe–
but we? We grieve
we grieve we grieve

(well, those of us who see it.)

^{Sunrise over the water. West Deptford, NJ}

^{Wind whipped. Early morning on the Delaware River at Red Bank Battlefield.}

Yet, every dawn is a new beginning
and hope wings to the clouds,
the moon will shine when I am gone,
and waves like a teasing lover
will still kiss the shore,
to dart away,
as far-flung ancient light
dances across the sky, always, and forevermore.

We still haven’t gone anywhere because of Omicron. Though we bought a few theater series, and there’s a play soon. . .so perhaps, since everyone is required to show proof of vaccination and to remain masked.

And in other news, an authoritarian minority is taking over our government. 2+2=5

We did have a much-needed, lovely family Zoom on Friday night.

We streamed, A Hero, Asghar Farhadi’s new film. I’ve liked his previous movies, A Separation and A Salesman, so I was eager to see this one, which is available on Amazon Prime now. Like his other movies, situations are not black and white, and no one is totally good or bad. Rahim is in prison for debt, and while on a two-day leave, he tries to make arrangements with his creditor so he can make a payment and be released, but one lie leads to another, and nothing goes as expected. . . It did give us a lot to talk about, and it also gave us glimpses of Iranian life and culture (and prison system). Another excellent film.

We’re watching the final season of the wonderful show The Expanse, also on Amazon Prime. It’s a very complex show—sort of a grittier, less idealistic version of Star Trek, except it’s about human empires and colonization in space, not aliens. Imagine Rome or the British Empire with rebelling colonies, but in space it’s Earth, Mars, and “the Belters,” as well as various other factions and pirates. It’s not a cartoonish sci-fi show. Characters and situations are not black and white here either. As Capt. Holden says of his world-weary crew, we’ve all done things we regret. (Yet we still root for them and their ship, the Rocinante.)

I’m hosting Quadrille Monday at dVerse, so I’ll be back later today! Cold weather comfort food below. Enjoy!

And so, November Begins

Posted on November 1, 2021 by merrildsmith

Monday Morning Musings:

Ineffable the moon and light,
the rainbow sky, the morning delight,
the shadows where the deer skitter,
and ghostly shapes drift and flitter,
the world around me an emitter

for hope and fear, desire and cheer
emotions swirl in collected glow, and we’re
receivers—if only we know

when and how to feel the dead around us,
in the susurrus , and the prickling air—are they there?
We celebrate their lives
by remembering a laugh, a phrase, the favorite food on holidays—

^{Two skeletons hanging out in the neighborhood}

her hands and eyes, his hair and songs,
things we hold inside, that belong
a part of us, carried in traditions and blood,
generations on

might never know, but somehow recognize—
like those grey or green eyes
or ability to paint, or sing, or write–
to gaze up as stars ignite

and feel the colors twirl and spin. To see without and within
the cycle of all beginnings and all ends—to think of ifs
and remember when.

This has been a strange week. Nothing terrible, just things that didn’t work out as expected, and some mornings in the twilight I felt like this really was a time when the veil between worlds was thinning . . . In between storms and wind, the sky has been so beautiful, and the morning light has a special quality.

We got our Covid boosters on Saturday night. We voted that day, too. Who says we don’t know how to have fun on a weekend? My arm was a little sore, and so was my husband’s, but no other reactions. I had long phone calls yesterday (Halloween) with my sister, sister-in-law, and older child. It was great to catch up! As I walked around the house while on the phone, I got over 25,000 steps in yesterday!

Merril’s Movies, Shows, and Books:
We watched a cool show on Netflix called Tabula Rasa. It’s Belgian. It’s a mystery with some supernatural overtones. It’s about a woman with amnesia, and a missing man. It’s best not to know too much–we were very surprised by the twists and things we didn’t see coming. We’re watching a Japanese show called Midnight Diner, also on Netflix. We watch an episode every once in a while, because I feel like I want to savor them. They’re only half hour episodes about a restaurant in Japan that is open midnight to 7 AM, and the people who come there. My husband was saying he doesn’t know why he loves the show so much. It’s a simple idea, but somehow, it’s just very gentle and satisfying. (Don’t watch it while you’re hungry.) We watched two horror movies over the weekend: The Omen (1976) and The Hole in the Ground (2019). We saw The Omen way back when in a theater with friends, and it was terrifying. Now watching it on TV, it seems a bit dated, not to mention the questions I have now about a husband who would just decide to substitute a baby and not tell his wife? Wifey is too fragile to know the truth. UGH! But it still has some very scary scenes. The Hole in the Ground is an Irish-Finnish production about a woman whose son seems to have been replaced by something else. It had some great and scary moments, and overall was very well done.

I read The Rose Code by Kate Quinn. It’s a novel about three very different women who meet and bond during the time they all work at Bletchey Park during WWII. It seems to be very well-researched. I really had a hard time putting this one down. I highly recommend it, if you like historical novels.

Things That Are Lost

Posted on October 18, 2021 by merrildsmith

Monday Morning Musings:

^{Sunrise Reflections, Delaware River at Red Bank Battlefield}

Things that are lost—

buttons, keys, a pearl earring
summer leaves, the morning light
that fades as the sun rises to its height.

^{Sunrise over the Delaware River at West Deptford, NJ}

Shadows that follow
then disappear,
like warm-weather fruits—till next year.

A battle, a war,
a way of life from before
when then was now, the shore

of future lay ahead,
the dead were living,
at least in your head.

Memories, a laugh, a song ,
the things you wished once to do
with loved ones you once knew–

husband, father, child, wife,
a beloved pet, a favorite toy—
all the sorrow and the joy,

things that are lost –and sometimes found,

air, love, happiness, roots, connected deep underground.

October seems a month of both beauty and melancholy. The sun rises later and set earlier, but in-between there’s a beautiful glow. We’ve had fog, rain, amazing sunrises, warm days, cold days, and more and more falling colored leaves.

This week we took a brief trip to Hammonton, NJ to pick up some olive oil and balsamic vinegar I like. I also bought cannoli for myself and our daughter (my husband didn’t want one).

We attended a memorial service for my husband’s uncle in Mt. Holly. We went to the service, talked a bit to family members, but then left without eating, as we were not comfortable sitting in the basement room with a bunch of strangers who may or may not be vaccinated. One of the hymns sung was “Amazing Grace.”

Merril’s Movie Club: We streamed three movies this week, all very different, but perhaps sharing a common theme of loss: life, dreams, love, memory. Fever Dream (Netflix) is difficult to describe, as is the novel it’s based on that I read last year. But the title is an indication. I think I liked it more than my husband did. It has a dreamy and slightly unsettling air, with much of it a voice-over between a woman and a boy who is not her son. To give a lot of detail would spoil the movie. There’s a mystery and supernatural elements, and a magical realism feel. We watched The One I Love, a 2014 movie about a couple played by Mark Duplass and Elisabeth Moss go for a weekend getaway at the suggestion of their therapist (Ted Danson). What looks like a rom com movie slips into the surreal. Again, I won’t give any spoilers, but it was fun, unusual, and gives you something to talk about. Finally, we watched The Black Box, a scifi/horror movie from last year on Amazon. It’s about a father who has lost his memory after an accident. When he undergoes a new treatment, strange things happen. It’s a solid B movie—entertaining and enjoyable.

Poems in Sledgehammer and Dead Skunk

Posted on October 17, 2021 by merrildsmith

I’ve had a couple of good poetry days, which I really needed. I am so pleased to have another poem in Sledgehammer. My thanks to EIC J. Archer Avary, who accepted this poem when I was feeling down. You can read my poem, “Theme and Variations” here.

I also have a poem in the very first issue of Dead Skunk. It definitely does not stink! My thanks to editors Suzanne Samples & E. Samples. You can read my poem “This is Not–and Is” here.

I made “non-sausage” rolls for dinner on Friday. The name came about because a friend used to make sausage rolls with Italian sausage. I adapted her recipe over the years, and now make a meatless and utterly delicious version.

These Days

Posted on October 4, 2021 by merrildsmith

Monday Morning Musings:

“Missing me one place search another,
I stop somewhere waiting for you.”
–Walt Whitman. “Song of Myself,” Leaves of Grass

Early Morning, Light through the Clouds. Delaware River at Red Bank Battlefield.©️Merril D. Smith, 2021

These are liminal days,
when twilight lingers
as death drifts, in a falling russet leaf,
and bee-buzzed blooms, purple and gold,
wave farewell to cloud-nestled moon
then reach for waking sun–
who timidly, then finds her voice
to sing away the grey.

These days of soft cat-paw-tread
transform, eagle-sharp talons tear away
the foggy gray, leaving crystal blue—

^{Sunrise over the Delaware River. ©️Merril D. Smith, 2021}

and there, white flowers grow, clinging to life
on dead wood–

Early morning Reflections. ©️Merril D. Smith, 2021

and we? Here, in this in-between–
embracing ghosts and color–
looking toward the stars,
remembering they are part of us,
and we of them, all–

^{Geese at Sunrise ©️Merril D. Smith, 2021}

see where the light shines through,
then know, this is where the song begins and ends–
re-formed, reprised, again and again.

October is such a transitional time of year here. One day grey, the next so bright. One day cool, then next summer-sticky. The leaves are turning, but we still have flowers. There are still too people getting sick and dying of COVID, and people who still refuse to get vaccinations or wear masks. I know WAY too many people who have pets who have died recently or are dying. My husband’s uncle died on Friday. It was not COVID, and he’s been sick for a long time and also suffering from dementia, so in the case, though still very sad, there’s a sense of relief that he and his family are no longer suffering.

Today began with a before dawn rejection e-mail. I hope that’s not the way the week’s going to go. It put me in a bad mood, but my morning walk raised my spirits, as it usually does.
This week we watched Midnight Mass (Netflix). It’s horror, but not the super-gory type. There’s more talk than action, which doesn’t bother me, and it actually ends on a very Merril-like note. I liked it. We also watched a Danish mystery called The Chestnut Man (Netflix), another “Scandi-noir” show. We both liked it and got caught up in it. I guess kids making chestnut men is a thing in Denmark? It made me look up American chestnut trees. There are streets named Chestnut in almost every town around here, but it seems the millions of American chestnut trees were killed by a blight. One interesting fact I learned is that the blight does not kill the roots, so they still exist below ground, and there are chestnut trees that continue to sprout up and then die.

It was a good week for cooking comfort food.

To Every Season

Posted on August 23, 2021 by merrildsmith

Monday Morning Musings:

“For nature gives to every time and season some beauties of its own; and from morning to night, as from the cradle to the grave, it is but a succession of changes so gentle and easy that we can scarcely mark their progress.”
–Charles Dickens, Nicholas Nickleby

^{Heron at dawn. Delaware River at Red Bank Battlefield.}

I remember that spring, the winter of despair,
the flow of river into spring again

and again, the earth blooms,
and birds come and go, soaring into clouds

that move across the sky–
the constancy of sun and moon, the ephemerality of life,

insistent green sprigs emerging from driftwood,
bleached and beached.

Each day the same and different,
each sunrise a threshold to the unknown.

^{Driftwood, Sunrise on the Delaware River}

In dreams, my mother asks for chocolate–
she says there’s more for them that wants.

This is how it is—
this is who we who are, full of ifs and when

there is both laughter and the aches
of time and memory–

we are here. Now
I watch the bees,

and I remember too late,
to tell them my secrets and wishes–

but perhaps they already know,
telling their own dreams in buzz waltz,

remembering a day of endless sweet nectar,
and brilliant colors that we cannot see,

yet can imagine, reflected
in a sunrise yet to come.

^{Sunrise with Cloud Reflections. Delaware River at Red Bank Battlefield. August 2021}

This week has been a strange and strangely beautiful week of clouds, rain, and sunshine. I suppose that’s how August is. We’re supposed to get a return of the high heat and humidity. Yesterday, some family members got together at my sister’s house for the first time since the pandemic. It wasn’t everyone, and even though it was right before my mom’s birthday, it wasn’t really a memorial, though we did have a Sunday brunch fish tray, with fruit, and my Mandelbrot and brownies for dessert. For those who don’t know, we used to have lox and other smoked fish with cream cheese and bagels–plus a whole lot more–fairly often when I was growing up. Every so often, my grandfather, my father’s father, would bring the delicatessen food, which also included herring, rye bread, and coffee cake, to my mom’s (even though my parents were divorced). My mom would supply the juice, coffee, boiled red potatoes, and sometimes I’d bake something. Then, it became a special family brunch occasion because it has become very expensive, plus more difficult to get together. Mindful of the Delta strain–even though we’re all vaccinated–we stayed masked indoors, except for when eating—and we tried to stay far apart then. Fortunately, the weather cleared up enough for us to go outside for dessert. My parents were there in spirit and ash.